I recently had a conversation with a friend about people who have not returned to in person church attendance since COVID-19. Granted, some of these found the extra four hours each weekend simply hard to give up, while others, I suspect, already had one foot out the door and found the pandemic a convenient opportunity to stop attending.
Research shows that people, especially those in older generations, are still trickling out in double digit percentiles. While it would take a robust survey to identify the leading causes, experience would observe that people who leave the church do so after a disappointment or because of an interpersonal conflict.
In his book Life Together, Dietrich Bonhoeffer talks about the “Gift of Disillusionment.” He writes,
Just as surely as God desires to lead us to a knowledge of genuine Christian fellowship, so surely must we be overwhelmed by a great disillusionment with others, with Christians in general, and, if we are fortunate, with ourselves. Only that Christian fellowship which faces such disillusionment, with all its unhappy and ugly aspects, begins to be what it should be in God’s sight, begins to grasp in faith the promise that is given to it. The sooner this shock of disillusionment comes to an individual and to a community the better for both. A community which cannot bear or survive such a crisis, which insists upon keeping its illusion when it should be shattered, permanently loses in that moment the promise of Christian community. He who loves his dream of a community more than the Christian community itself becomes a destroyer of the latter, even though his personal intentions may be ever so honest and earnest and sacrificial. (pp. 26-27)
Bonhoeffer’s words are still relevant. Churches should be a community that provides love, encouragement, support, and mutuality. But like any community, it is filled with broken and imperfect people. There are those who attempt to police the community and protect the values therein. But many times, especially in smaller churches, the values and norms are inseparably linked to the insiders who are more interested in people becoming conformed to the community than they are interested in people becoming transformed into the image of Christ. These churches have become spiritual home owner’s associations, where strict compliance is required and enforced.
My hunch is this is why the mega church movement is swallowing up the people of smaller churches. Its not that they want to experience Six Flags over Jesus. They’re just tired of the drama. And if the stimulus of the mega church is overwhelming or they don’t feel connected in some way, they’ll take the off ramp and find their own path.